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Iím Just Not In the Mood
by Yosef Y. Jacobson

Bad Tooth

A man and his wife entered the dentist's office.

"I want a tooth pulled, "the man said."We are in a big hurry, so let us not fool around with gas or Novocain or any of that stuff."

"You are a very brave man," remarked the dentist. "Which tooth is it?"

"Show him your bad tooth, honey," said the man to his wife.

The Proposal

There is an enigmatic Talmudic passage explaining a peculiar phrase in this week's portion (Yisro): "They (the Jewish people) stood in the bottom of the (Sinai) mountain (1)."

What is the meaning of the words "in the bottom of the mountain"? The Talmud explains (2) that the Jews were actually standing inside the mountain. "G-d enveloped them with the mountain as though it were an upturned vat, and He said to them: 'If you accept the Torah, fine; if not, this will be your burial place.'"

The event at Sinai is viewed as the marriage ceremony between G-d and the Jewish people (2*). Imagine you would hear of a groom who, on the day of the wedding, placed his bride under an elevator and declared: "If you marry me, great; if not, the elevator will come down on your head." What would you feel about such a groom? And about the relationship that would follow?

Couldn't G-d have found a more "romantic" way to convince the "bride" to marry Him?

What is even more puzzling is the fact that according to the biblical narrative (3), the Jewish people had already expressed their willingness to accept the Torah before this event. Why was it necessary for G-d to coerce them into something they had already agreed upon (4)?

Let us present the explanation offered by one of the greatest spiritual masters, the founder of the Chassidic movement, the Baal Shem Tov (5).

Numb Days

There are days when we are emotionally in touch with our inner human depth and our inner G-dliness. At such times we are inspired to live deeply, to love deeply, and to fulfill the mission for which we are alive.

But then come the days when we feel estranged from our souls. We are emotionally numb, experiencing ourselves merely as self-centered and materialistic creatures seeking to satiate nothing more than our momentary cravings. We are simply not in the mood for G-d or the deeper truths of existence. We are too busy or stressed to even contemplate the inner meaning of what it means to be alive. At such times of spiritual alienation, we often succumb to mundane and selfish behavior. Since we feel disconnected, we act as though we are indeed disconnected.

In a creative way, the sages are suggesting, Judaism at its moment of inception, confronted this basic human condition of inner fragmentation and uncertainty. By   G-d forcing the Jewish people to enter into the relationship -- even though they had agreed already -- He demonstrated to them that their relationship was not based on the fact that they were consciously passionate about it. The relationship was an inherent and an essential condition (6). Man, in the Jewish imagination, is an innately spiritual and divine creature. "Even when you are not in the mood for me," G-d was saying, "our relationship is as strong as ever. You can act on it."

Yet you may still think, "fine, I will behave, but let's face it, the relationship is not happening. It is all but dead."

So G-d says no. By placing the mountain on their heads, G-d was declaring that a relationship inspired by the knowledge that this is the truth, thought you may not feel it, is a genuine and authentic relationship. It is real union; G-d, at that moment, bestowed upon it the quality of a real relationship. You may not be in the mood for the relationship; you may not be passionate about it, but you are still one. You are holy even though you may perceive yourself as profane.

(In Yeshivishe terminology – for those familiar with this jargon – also a life style based on “Kabalas Ol Malchus Shamayim” has a "chalos" shem relationship).

Rocky Moments

In the Jewish tradition, the marriage of each man and woman reflects the cosmic marriage between G-d and His people (7). There are the days when we feel truly grateful for our spouses and experience deep love toward them. At such times we crave to give of ourselves to our spouses and make their lives happier.

But at other times we become cold and apathetic. We just want to do "our own thing" and simply are not in the mood for the relationship.

In the majority of cases, it would be a sad error to act upon those feelings of detachment. For the Kabbalah teaches (8) that a wife and husband are essentially "two halves of a single soul." At their core, they are one. Thus, when a couple enters into marriage, it needs to recall what G-d reminded us at the day of His marriage: Whether we are in the mood for each other or not, we are one.

Such a commitment could save many marriages when they encounter rocky times. After all, it saved the marriage between G-d and the Jews.


1) Exodus 19:17.
2) Shabbos 88a.
2*) See, for example, Mishnah Taanis 26b; Shemos Rabah end of section 15.
3) Exodus 24:7.
4) This question is raised among many of the Talmudic commentators. See Tosfos, Eitz Yosef, Pnei Yehoshua, Shabbos Shel Mi and BenYehoyada to Talmud Shabbos ibid. Midrash Tanchumah Noach section 3. Daas Zekeinim Mibbalei Hatosafos on Exodus 19:17. Maharal Tiferes Yisroel ch. 32, Gur Aryeh on Exodus ibid. and Or Chodash p. 45. Sources noted in Pardas Yosef to Exodus ibid.
5) 1698-1760. This idea was transcribed by his famed disciple, Rabbi Yaakov Yosef of Pulnah (Ben Poras Yosef Parshas Vayeishev. Cf. Nesiv Metzvosecah Nesiv HaTorah 1:28). For alternative explanations see referenced noted in previous footnote as well as in Torah Or Megilas Esther p. 96c; 118c.
6) Cf. Tanya chapters 14, 16, 18-19, 25, 28, 41, 44.
7) See commentaries to Song of Songs. Maimonides' Laws of Teshuvah ch. 10. 8) Zohar Vayikra p. 7b.



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